Hellooo out there. Happy Thanksgiving.

I'm still alive. Pushing forward day by day the best I can. I'm home alone bored. Carrie is out a tavern alone tonite trying to set up a bartender with her girlfriend.

It's so cold out, so glad I did not have to go out in the cold. Feel so lonely lately, don't know what to do about it. Hope Carrie is having a nice evening. I do wish she felt comfortable going out with me, maybe someday she will.

I don't have any friends to hang out with really, she was my best friend so this makes it extra tough. I will hold on as long as I can.

Nothing good on TV. I've been meditating as much as I can lately, getting brief inspirations here and there, one or two visits from Carrie's mother, more from her today, but afraid to show Carrie, I just don't know if it will help or upset.

I am getting chest pain, palpatations, and have not had those in about 5 months. They went away completely when I fell in love again over the summer, and were gone for quite some time. I have to wonder if that higher self part of me has left, I'm worried it has or is in the process of going due to rejection. I don't want it to. This me is so lonely and boring. Yea lets go hang out with the quiet guy, maybe I can see now why Carrie don't want that tagging along.

Sorry.